QUR Hall of Rippetude – Crosby the Mailman August 8, 2009

For today’s edition of the Hall of Rip, I am going to induct the most badass mailman that ever lived…Crosby. Let me tell you a story from my youth (wavy lines…).

mailmanIt was a nice spring day. The sun was out, the clouds were fluffy, the birds were chirping. Who knew my life would change forever that day. I was around thirteen, playing basketball in my friend’s driveway with three of my friends after school.

I was dominating as usual, but that doesn’t really need to be said. About 30 minutes into the game, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the mail truck arriving which was oddly gangsta-fied for a USPS truck, but I thought nothing of it.

A few minutes later, the mailman pulled up to the curb where we were playing. Out came a guy who looked just like Roc (come one, Charles S. Dutton people) complete with mail shorts, sunglasses, and that crazy straw hat that mailmen are prone to wear on hot days.

As he approached, he dropped his mailbag and yelled to my friend, “Pass me the rock, yo!”. My friend passed him the ball. He pointed to my other friend, Karabell, and said, “D-Up, bitch!”. I thought that was odd language for a mailman interacting with some kids, but nonetheless, Karabell, stood in front of him in a defensive stance.

What happened next was the greatest moment in my youth. The mailman faked left with the ball and then with an explosion blew past Karabell, got to the rim, and laid down a thunderous two handed dunk. As he hung on the rim, thrusting his crotch into my friend’s face repeatedly, we all looked at each other in amazement.

The mailman was done dominating us. He picked up his bag and delivered the mail. As he was heading back to his truck, we asked him, “hey, what’s your name?” He responded, “Crosby, bitch” and left. We never saw Crosby again.

I wonder what Crosby is up to today? I’m sure he died in a blaze of glory at a sweet 2000 New Year’s party, but we’ll never really know.  Anyway, Crosby, welcome to the QUR Hall of Rip…

Larry Z. November 14th, 2009

Love the site! Might I suggest a slightly more historically accurate picture to post with the “Crosby” story? R.I.P. Crosby. Your awesomeness is sorely missed.

admin November 15th, 2009

Hahaha…that pic is perfect!

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