Clifbars are for Douchebags July 6, 2009

So I was in Wegmans the other night (yes, Wegmans is for douchebags, I hate them, but I will save that rant for another time and no, my being there does not make me a DB since my awesome rays counteract their DB radioactivity) and I saw this ragged hippie looking fellow in the protein bar aisle looking at the nutrition facts, stroking his chin, and generally being a Wegmans-style douchebag (WSDB).

I approached this WSDB and was going to have a logical re-education session regarding the lameness of protein bars when he decided to not move his cart out of the way as I meandered down the aisle.  Since I have not achieved Ultimate Rippedness, I forgave him for not basking in my reflective glory, but common courtesy is to move your cart.

So I did as any future Quester would do, I picked up a box of Clif Builder bars and rained blows down upon his head.  As he lay on the floor half conscious, I took out piece of paper and wrote down the following recipe which I  proceeded to crumble and throw in his face:

  • 1 Cup Ground Quaker Oats
  • 1 Scoop Vanilla Protein Powder
  • 1 Tablespoon All Natural Skippy Peanut Butter

Mix all together and then add water until cookie dough-like.  Mash into a bar.  Delicious with the following nutrition:

  • Carbs (Whole Grain): 30 grams
  • Protein : 24 grams
  • Fat (Healthy Unsaturated): 20 grams

Store bought protein bars are no better than a Snickers bar.  You’ll never get to Phase III eating that!

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